2014’s famous words – Let it Go! Let it Go!

1 January 2014 I drowned my depression with sleep until midday then I woke up and indulged myself in my tears for three hours. That’s how I began my year.

But things only went up on this roller coaster ride of a year and it was freaking awesome fantastically amazing. For years I have been wishing for healing – a solution for my seemingly stuck situation which I couldn’t get myself out of so can only proclaim it as a gift rather than a disorder. However this year I am fed up, I have had enough. F**K this, you only live once. It was time for change.

Little did I knew that change didn’t come from changing circumstances and situations but changing my attitude. Slowly I’m learning to let go of money and status which so closely is tied to my self identify and self esteem. As soon as I tried to unwrap my tightly gripped fingers on the worthless things I have been holding onto for the past 10 years, I found I had space in my palms for more enjoyable and beneficial things.

Of course I would never embark on anything without checking the safety net is secure underneath a safety net. I enjoyed a much needed self understanding process during my 200 hour Yoga Teachers Training which opened up a whole new arena for thoughts and self exploration.

Now, I enjoy my flexibility and free time. I explore different healing tools. I appreciate life. I count mini blessing moments. I spend carefree days reading romance novels or practicing on my newly acquired musical instrument.

This year. 2015. I’m learning about compromise.

Categories: Thoughts

Not meant to be

February 10, 2014 Leave a comment
Sitting on the sofa quiet as a mouse
Counting the hours you have floated about
Scared to wake or draw close to you
As it might not be the appropriate cue
Standing guard in case you need me
But you seem content so just let it be
You said thank you a hundred times
Inside I say I love you without sounding a chime
God sent me only to be a guardian angel
We were never meant to be lovers as it didn’t fit the puzzle

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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The boyfriend that my friends like

December 9, 2013 Leave a comment

Some people spend their whole lives trying to please others and seek their approval – our boss, our family and friends. That is exactly what I have been doing. The reason that I’m in this profession is because it makes my parents proud. We all have the need to get other’s approval but I took it one step further. I even look for a guy who my friends will like too.

– Tall
– Handsome
– Smart
– Funny
– Successful
– Showers me with attention
and the list goes on and on.

It was just the shell, I responded to what they seemingly have to offer. But it has proven to be shallow. It lacks the understanding that I crave from a partner. The non ending conversations that you would rather lose sleep for. The heated topical debates because it is ok to have different opinions. The desire to put their needs before yours. The concern because you care so much it hurts.

So I threw away my checklist and now I’m ready to really get to know the person as they are without all the superficial glam.
To look to the core, where I can find the most precious thing in the world – kindess.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Blind Date @Sketch, Mayfair

December 6, 2013 Leave a comment

With modern technology enabling finding true love through virtual space with just a lift of a finger, which I had heard so much about, I couldn’t wait to try it out for myself the day after I landed back in singlehood.
So you pick a decent looking guy who doesn’t have a topless photo of himself as his profile pic. I try to make sure he has a job that requires an average IQ and someone who has less than 50% chance of being a serial killer or rapist.
Then you put on a brave made up face in a central location on a weekd night, just for a casual drink or coffee so you can run like an Olympian sprinter when he turns out to be a complete egg.
My first exciting adventure takes me to Sketch bar which friends have told me about regarding their imfamous egg shaped bathrooms. When I got there I realised I had walked past this place a dozen times without even knowing it’s the place where you can relieve yourself in a oval shaped white box.
The drinks are expensive as expected with its location. Their deco is nice enough in the bar, a bit too dark but it made my date look quite handsome. The music loud enough to make you have to lead right in to your date’s ears, lucky I have pretty attractive ears.
After a couple of drinks, time to move on indicating it’s going decent enough to spend another hour across each other at a dinner table. The restaurant was very busy so we went to another place.
Upon exit, we had to visit the infamous white shaped things up the stairs. But we were stopped mid way and that apparently there are male and female divisions – not unisex. So much for checking out the bathroom together, and the rest is history.

***Photo by journeyexplorer
sketch

Forget You Not

November 25, 2013 Leave a comment

You taught me how to give and not just take
You and I wanted to meet half way
I gave you my heart because you were worthy
But you kept it in a box and returned it to me
Now we say farewell and all the best
Because we definitely deserve the best
To find happiness and love without rest
Every moment I miss you much
I will keep the memories in our album untouched

 

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Recent hobby

This is what I have been doing in the last few months hence neglecting this blog a little.

View from the top

When I take a deep breath on top of a mountain I’ve just climbed, I feel I have been rewarded for all my efforts.

When I look around the magnificent views around me, I feel this world is so harmonious and trouble-free.

When I admire the wonderful works of the creator, I feel so tiny and insignificant on this enormous piece of land.

When I peek at the aerial view of the city I’m landing in or leaving from, it brings overflowing emotions running down my face.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Around the World #33 – Bath, UK

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Spring in love

As the ice melts away, there seems to be signs of life again.

The aromas of flowers blossoming and fresh cut grass hits your nostrils.

Don’t you think spring just smells like love?

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Travel is my drug

April 30, 2013 1 comment

Sometimes destination is the focus, like going to Peru felt like a mini pilgrimage for me.

Sometimes people is the key, like how you can still have an amazing time even tho you are stuck indoors the whole weekend because it’s raining cats and dogs.

Several years ago, I was travelling twice a month and ticking off the countries off my map. Nowadays, friends are dropping their jaws when they hear that my next trip is not until June *shock horror*.

Travel is still my drug, I’m just taking it in different doses.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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One lonely journey

January 25, 2013 1 comment

Life is just one lonely journey.

You are surrounded by people all the time whether it be on the bus, at work and even at home. But do any of them make an impact on your life?

When you go through tough times, your close friends might say ‘I know how you feel’, but do they really?!?!

You might even have a long term partner who you do life with, but in the end the one single person you spend most time with is just yourself.

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2012 Stats

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 5,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 9 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Categories: About Me

The ultimate standard

October 26, 2012 1 comment

What is patient?

What is kind?

What does not envy?

What does not boast?

What is not proud?

What is not rude?

What is not self-seeking?

What is not easily angered?

What keeps no record of wrongs?

What does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth?

What always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres?

What never fails?

It is love.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Peruvian delicacy – Deep fried guinea pig

October 25, 2012 6 comments

As gruesome as it sounds, it is actually very tasty.

The meat is pink and very soft.

This particular one was marinated with herbs so it has extra flavour, especially the skin.

Our tour guide said the best part is the head.

I tried it, not too bad at all.

Peruvians only eat this for celebrations but tourists can have it any time!

***Photo by journeyexplorer

When I grow up, I want to be a child

October 24, 2012 Leave a comment

Pistachio

October 23, 2012 1 comment

Pistachio in Chinese is literally Happy Nut – 开心果.

Recently I met a very cheerful person.

I don’t meet many of those because I tend to enjoy deep, serious and meaningful conversations.

 

Hence I tend to enjoy friendships with those I can share heart to heart with – not just joke around.

However, this person has the most genuine smile.

With a great sense of humor that is so very attractive.

It feels great after our delightful conversations.

I sometimes even find myself smiling to myself as it seems to have rubbed off on me.

It naturally draws me to him especially when I have just left my dark hole not too long ago.

So I am very much interested and wanted to work towards privatising this pistachio.

Unfortunately, without much success.

Then it hit me – why don’t I just became a pistachio myself?

Then I wouldn’t need to rely on others to be the sunshine of my life.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Everything London #38 – 麺屋 一点張 Ittenbari, Soho

October 12, 2012 Leave a comment

Ittenbari is the best ramen in London.

Enough said.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Everything London #37 – Medieval Banquet, St Katherine’s Dock

October 10, 2012 Leave a comment

Definitely not a place to take a first date. Especially when they don’t give you spoons for your soup, which tastes like it’s straight from the can. You don’t expect food to be good in a place like this and actually the bread was surprisingly up to standard. It’s good entertainment for a group event such as a corporate event where you don’t necessarily have to talk to everyone the whole night. Or as they are now advertising for Christmas dinners. The performers were pretty good, but not top class. You can go there for a birthday party only if you are really running out of ideas or taking your senior parents. But only if they like loud and rowdy atmosphere as it surely was in the underground chambers.

They had a piano as music acompliment to the performance so I went up and challenged the pianist that there were no pianos in the Medieval times but the harpsichord. The waitresses didn’t want to be there and still had the guts to pass around a tip bowl at the end of the night. We just chuck in a few silvers and left it on the table.

I much preferred the Medieval show I went to in Dallas Texas with jousting and really lovely horsemanship. But that’s the thing about London, you can have a variety of nights out. This particular night – it was just fun to dress up and be in a pub with a different theme!

Everything London #36 – Sticks n Sushi, Wimbledon

October 8, 2012 1 comment

A pleasant surprise as soon as you walk into the restaurant as I love nicely decorated restaurants because you feel like a VIP. I was sold already. A friendly waitress took us to the table and offered us picture booklets which were menus. Without further ado, I kick off with a lovely cocktail called Geisha Girl in a classy glass – sweet.

It’s also hard to review fusion Japanese food, because it’s not cuisine you can find in the country I so love. But I can also appreciate the creativeness and presentation which is to be congratulated on. My eyes were caught on the squid salad and I was not disappointed with a nice blend dressing flavour. Their seaweed salad is also very authentic and nicely done. Sushi platters offer a good variety with fresh quality fish. Their wasabi is to be complimented, none of the wishy-washy stuff, this has a real decent kick to it. The small delicate deserts are the best way to finish off a nice meal – not too much but not too Japanese.

After finding out that it’s a Danish originated chain, it has stirred an interest to visit Denmark which surprisingly I have not visited yet.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

 

Around the World #32 – Colca Canyon, Peru

Condor watching in the early morning

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Around the World #31 – Cuzco, Peru

A tasteful, lovely and mountainous city…

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Date like a teenager

October 2, 2012 1 comment

I remember “boyfriends” in high school. Back in those days, everything was such a big deal. My best friend would look me straight in the eye and ask me “Have you guys HH yet?” “No, of course not!” I replied.

It means hold hands.

My best friend and I would gossip and laugh about it for hours on end. The one time this guy tried to hold her hand in the movies but got too scared and didn’t do it in the end. Or the time where I had to hide my HH under the school bag, because we didn’t want anyone else to see.

My best friend and Itell each other all the juicy details of our relationships over our overnight letters, which must be given to each other as soon as we meet at school before roll call in the morning. This is so that we would have a chance to reply in the first class and exchange letters again during recess. If she was having issues or bottled up emotions, I would tell her “It’s time to have a D&M with him.”

It means Deep & Meaningful.

How we thought we truly madly deeply loved the boy sitting across the classroom at the age of 15.

Imagine if we dated like a teenager now.

Passing notes on bits of ripped paper with encrypted messages.

Chatting on the phone on any and every topics til the sunrise for weeks on end.

Hand writing 30+ page letters – front and back.

Sitting at McDonalds without ordering to delay going home.

Watching TV together but physically a telephone call apart.

Taking the detour route to get to the bus stop.

Just innocent.

Just simple.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Decade long (working) holiday

October 1, 2012 2 comments

I have a friend Clement, who loves to have fun and enjoy life. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Ever since he was a university student, he would go out clubbing, eat out, play pool etc. Then as entered the workforce, he would still continue his social and party life as is. It never affects his work performance. As he got even older, he kept it all up – basically he knows how to have a good time. Even after he got married, he was still enjoying this kind of life. The interesting thing was over the last 10 years or so, not only have he kept the same lifestyle but also the average age bracket of his friends remained in their early 20s.

Actually my cousin has the same kind of phenomenon. Over the last 10 years, he has always dated girls in their early 20s. Isn’t that all men’s dream?!?

Sometimes I question what qualifies me to be a so-called traveler and blogger? Besides the fact that I’ve been to over 42 countries. This only wows people I meet in everyday ordinary life, however, when I go travelling most other travelers I meet have been all over the world too. I left home to start a new exciting life and adventure on the other side of the world and nearly a decade later I’m still living this life, with no intention of slowing down. Every trip and every experience is different, even if it is my 5th time in Paris.

No doubt about it!

I indulge in being surrounded with people in the same sphere as me.

Simply Carpe Diem.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

He’s just totally and absolutely not that into you

September 28, 2012 Leave a comment

Men are from Pornland.

Animals will chase for prey if they are hungry. The urge is as simple and basic as needing the bathroom. Sure, you can encourage it by drinking lots of water or eating poisonous food but in the end when you gotta go you gotta go.

Men will come after you when they have the urge. You can encourage such urge by wearing no bra or very tiny mini skirt. Bottom line is if he is interested he will act upon it, it is not something you can promote.

Conclusion: Women has limited choice from the pool of men who are interested in them in the first place.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Around the World #30 – Lake Titicaca, Peru

September 27, 2012 Leave a comment

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Death road in Bolivia

September 19, 2012 3 comments

Never a dull moment in Bolivia.

After bribing police officers to enter the country. The next day we saw protesters burning up car tyres and breaking car windscreen on the major highway on the way to Tiwanaku.

Nothing beats adrenaline though. I LoVe iT!!!

Speeding down the highway from 4500m above sea level whilst dodging trucks and cars on the way. Also trying to absorb the beautiful mountainous views without falling over or crashing was an awesome the blood rush experience.

Then the gravel roads all the way down to 1100m were really bumpy and dusty. Lucky I’m not scared of heights with sharp drops at each corner if we skitted or didn’t stop in time. It was all great fun and big smile on my face because it was a great way to finish my trip where I fly back to London the next morning.

However, on our way back there was a terrible accident. A truck carrying a full load of wood overturned and the left side wheels fell into the side curb gutter. Our driver and guides jumped out of our van in lightning speed to try to help as we were the 2nd car on the scene. A women had minor injuries with cut lips. A man was crying with blocks of wood on top of him suffering from a broken collar-bone and shoulder injury. Two people were missing – assumed to be under the truck as we have not held cries for help.

All the locals were helping out, trying to remove the wood from on top of the man and attempting to helping him out. Tourists have the practice to waiting for the ambulance and not moving the injured at all, but locals will have none of it. Just as well, because when an ordinary white car with one person in it pulled up – we found out it was the so-called ambulance. It seemed there was not adequate medical equipment in the car nor enough personnel to assist the injured. I guess this is their way of dealing withe such situations. We felt helpless on the side.

In my mind I kept questioning the difference in the value of life just because you were born in a certain country or nationality.

So now I know.

It is called death road – the most dangerous road in the world for a reason.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

First hand experience of corruption in Bolivia

September 19, 2012 4 comments

At the boarder from Peru to Bolivia near Lake Titicaca, I had two completely valid and up to date passports yet I was picked on because I was too special I guess.

As soon as I walked in, one of the officers wrote on a piece of paper $100 but I bargained down to USD20 then they said USD40. I was pissed off because I have the right to enter this country for free, so I tried to stick to $20. But then they lost interest in my cash and started playing games. Let me tell you, trying to communicate in my nil Spanish and their broken English was a nightmare – even chucking in a bit of sign language.

The police with most english tried to play the friendly card so I kept along. I answered questions about my travels then questions relating to my relationship status that I’m single nor married, no I don’t have any boyfriend. He then offered me a one way entry to his country and that I can go to his house. Seriously, I think my body and soul is worth a little more than USD40.  I didn’t know what to say to that so I joked and said I that I don’t work and of no use to him. I also didn’t want to anger him.

They kept looking at my passports and checking their pieces of paper, but at this point I knew it didn’t matter what any piece of paper said. It was up to their discretion. I played my sympathy card and started crying saying I can’t be alone in Peru with no hotel and my friends already onward in Bolivia. He just told me to calm down.

An hour later, they kept saying no to my entrance into Bolivia. I was fed up and asked them how much, they said not money but matter of principle. They were scared to get in trouble because I had a watermark on the second page of my passport and it is not valid. They suggested I go to the embassy to get a new passport. But wait, I have another valid passport. Apparently dual nationality is not allowed in Bolivia. Huh!?!

I left with my head down and no entry stamp on my passport. Options racing through my head as my flight was supposed to leave from Bolivia in 4 days. But two officers followed me outside the office, where finally they were interested in talking money. Interestingly, exchange was to happen on the Peru side of the boarder.

So I ended up entering the country after participating in an illegal transaction reluctantly.

At least, I have a good story for my blog.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Around the World #29 – Lares Trek, Peru

September 18, 2012 Leave a comment

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Around the World #28 – Machu Pichu, Peru

September 12, 2012 1 comment

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Truth is I don’t want ugly children

August 21, 2012 2 comments

Women are always complaining that men are so utterly lame and shallow, and how their thoughts and actions are controlled by the lower part of their bodies. They try to promote it’s whats inside that counts… blah blah blah.

Sorry, I’m don’t buy it.

Women’s eyes light up when they see a lovely piece of meat. Their heart skips a beat when a gorgeous man brushes past them on the train. They put on their biggest smile when the handsome man in an expensive suit gives them a subtle nod.

Get real. Women are all completely drowning in the fireman and / or Abercrombie and Fitch phenomenon. I get it, it’s hard to force down a meal when your date has volcanic eruptions going on all over his face.

But seriously, besides my strong personal desire of wanting to be aroused with a sexy body I’m honestly just thinking about long term impacts and being very considerate for my next generation. As much as I’m going to be a tiger mum, at least I want to give my kids a chance in this world.

Ugliness is a disability.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Letter to an admirer

Dear Admirer,
Thank you for seeing me as the apple of your eye and making me feel special. Thank you for telling me how lovely and beautiful I am. But most of all thank you for sticking around all this time.

However, I will always keep you at arm’s length. I can never close the proximity between us. Only this way can I sustain the image of me I want to keep in your heart. I never want to give you the opportunity to discover my weaknesses or ugliness. I want you to keep being swept by my charm, melted by my smile and overwhelmed by my shining personality.

Sorry.

I can never give you a chance.

Your friend always,

journeyexplorer

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Imagine

Imagine

A heart to heart connection

Ultimate comfort zone

Just being in the same space

Like lying on a bed of clouds

With the warmth of the sun on your skin

Embraced by each other’s presence

How beautiful that is

Just Imagine

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Men Are From Pornland. Women Are From Disneyland.

August 12, 2012 1 comment

Come on, that world-famous book from 1999 is totally and utterly outdated now.

In this day and age…

Men Are From Pornland. Women Are From Disneyland.

That’s why women drag their men to watch chick flicks so they get a glimpse of our world.

That’s why women are reading Fifty Shades of Grey so that they can suck out what’s in men’s head.

No! The other head!

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Just tell the truth

August 11, 2012 4 comments

A few months ago, when I heard Sheila Walsh speak in person at a Christian Women’s Conference I was struck to the core by her personal story. Two messages I took away from that talk – Let go (pending blog post) and Just tell the truth.

A specialist has told me before that I am ‘passive aggressive’ and I took it as a passing comment at the time. Another jargon term. Whatever that means. Who cares. Get on with it. Next.

Yesterday I was scrapping for writing material and I type the term into my best friend ‘Google’. The details felt like it was describing my relationship history and in fact a dramatic scenario that I created just a couple of days ago.

I tell you ‘nothing’ when you ask me what is wrong. I punish you by giving you the silent treatment, disappearing, sulking and not answering your calls. Until I forget what I was angry and upset about in the first place. Then I can go back to being my ‘always jolly cheerful understanding supportive’ self because that’s what I like to be perceived as.

Just tell the truth.

OK here goes.

Truth is I hate it when you assume I’m always just hanging around for you. I hate it when you treat me as if I’m disposable – coming and going as you wish. I hate it when you do what suits your lifestyle or schedule without regard for mine. I hate it when you do not mean or do what you say.

You are right, you can’t read my mind.

At times I can’t read mine either.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

How simple can life really be?

August 9, 2012 1 comment

I can see a pattern in the sky when birds above would spread their wings and fly

I can hear the perfect harmonies when trees are gently swaying in the breeze

Something ’bout this nature makes me wonder
There must be a way of living every day in peace

Come on take it easy it’s simple as can be
Come on take it easy just be, just be

I can feel the coldness in the air connected, yet what hollow words we share
I can taste a drop of bittersweet we come and go but we shall meet again

Looking at ourselves I started to realise there must be a way of living every day in peace

Come on take it easy it’s simple as can be
Come on take it easy just be, just be

Come on take it easy every he or she
Come on take it easy just be, just be

Come on take it easy it’s simple as can be
Come on take it easy just be, just be

Love in action

August 8, 2012 2 comments

I feel your pain.

I sense your sadness.

I see your struggles.

I hear your cry.

I taste your bitterness.

At this moment.

My body is the only comfort I can offer you.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

L.O.S.T

Lost time

Lost to another women

Lost the game I created

Lost direction

Lost myself

Lost interest

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Memories on a rainy Sunday afternoon

Listening to the sound of drops like an orchestra.

Enjoying the light breeze from the window.

Watching the wave of water pass through the sky.

However, the best rainy days were…

Playing in puddles with my brother with not a care in the world when we were kids.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

 

Doing life together

August 5, 2012 2 comments

There are four people one should find in life.

1. Yourself

2. The person you love most

3. The person that loves you most

4. The person you can do life with

What are the chances that 2,3 and 4 will be the same person???

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Everything London #35 – Olympics 2012

So glad to be living in an Olympic city second time around after Sydney 2000. Surprisingly, even saw the opening ceremony fireworks from my bedroom window. I’m still debating whether I should support GB Team, Aussie or China?!?! Whichever wins, I’m happy for!

Transport system is coping well so far and since everyone else is either working from home or flexi time I haven’t had to change my lifestyle to match.

Enjoying the numerous cultural and festive events around town to cater for all the tourists such as Wonderground by SouthBank. The Boom Boom Club show was really awesome and highly recommended.

London, you are so beautiful and amazing.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Tug of War

To keep the game going

both parties’ efforts required

to maintain a balance of equilibrium.

If one side let go

the other side falls.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Everything London #34 – Sushi bar Atariya

Freshest sushi and sashimi in London.

Better than Cafe Japan in Golders Green.

Enough said.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

You can’t make someone care

August 1, 2012 4 comments

You can jump up and down.

You can message them day and night.

You can send flowers to say you are sorry.

You can starve yourself to stay skinny.

You can have their child.

You can promise to change.

You can refuse to sign the divorce papers.

You can threaten to die.

But you can’t make them care.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Three Engagement Rings

July 31, 2012 2 comments

The first engagement ring. She moved half way across the world for him. But she couldn’t get used to the culture shock and got depressed.

The second engagement ring. She changed who she was for him. But it wasn’t enough for him.

The third engagement ring is now sitting at the bottom of a lake.

They were once lovers. Things got in the way but they reunite again after ten years. She just got out of the broken relationship. He was all ears. Things reignited. She invites him for Christmas. He arranges all travel plans. He buys the ring. But he got sick and missed everything. She said it was all a misunderstanding. She never wanted to lead him down the path. He is broken hearted and stupidly threw the ring into the lake.

We await to see what story the next ring will bring.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Frozen Love

July 30, 2012 2 comments

In modern times where women are distracted with success in education, career and independent living motherhood has been delayed years compared to generations before us. Hence forward planning women are considering options of freezing their embryos to keep healthier eggs for future use when the timing is right.

I want to put my love in the freezer.

To keep my feelings for you fresh in the current peak state all the time.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Pick a Fight. Have make-up sex. Repeat as desired.

July 29, 2012 1 comment

Life can get a bit mundane, boring, and routine sometimes.

Things are just plain dull day in day out.

Work. Eat. Sleep. TV.

Same grocery store.

Same train.

Same sandwich.

Same partner.

Pick a fight.

Create some drama.

Chuck a tantrum because he added that long-lost pretty primary school friend of his on Facebook.

Don’t pick up the phone nor reply to messages and make him think he did something wrong.

Go out to dinner with that guy he hates and relay all the wonderful things about him.

Turn off your phone to see and make him call your parents and / or flatmates to hunt you down.

Spend the money on a stunning dress or to-die-for shoes when you were going to buy him that Wii game.

Ask him what is different about your eyelashes and / or eyebrows today.

Shrug casually when he spends 15 minutes excitedly telling you how his football team had a victorious win.

Ash him if you look fat in these G strings then lash out at him for even thinking about it.

Yawn loudly when he is doing his thing and make him try harder.

Play with fire.

Just don’t burn yourself.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Mistaking fear for love

She gets butterflies in her stomach when he calls. Her heartbeats incredibly fast when she is standing at the station waiting for him. She dresses nicely and puts on the perfect amount of make up for him. She wants to say all the right things to make him happy. She cooks dinner just the way he likes it. Her life evolves around him so he gets her full devotion.

He misses her so he calls her all the time. He can’t wait to see her after work so he tells her to pick him up at the station. He loves her to bits and buys her nice dresses and make up that will look good on her. He loves her so much very much hence showers her with attention. He loves a lovely home-made meal.  He loves to know everything about her including where she is, what she is doing, who she is seeing.

Every time. Something just flicks in a mini fraction of a second. He charges at her with a kick at full force. He is always very sorry afterwards with all his sincerity.

She believes him.

She wants to believe him.

She makes herself believe him.

She absorbs in the drama. All relationships have its ups and downs. You just don’t quit because things are rough.

It is a mistake.

This feeling is fear – not love.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

500 days of Carpe Diem

July 23, 2012 3 comments

Life is full of responsibilities and I’ve done well in that aspect.

I’ve got good grads during my entire studying life, graduated and became a professional.

I sit in an office minimum of 8 hours a day.

I always flush the toilet.

I never stick gum anywhere other than in the bin.

I always pay for stuff and never take what is not mine.

I always let the passengers get off the train first before I get on.

I always pay my debts on and before it is due.

Seriously, I am one very responsible adult.

But sometimes, just sometimes don’t you get sick of it all? That’s why I love the character of Summer Finn in the movie 500 Days of Summer – she is so random, spontaneous and out of the box. Her theory on eating dessert as a first course speaks my mind and I find we have much in common although she exists only in a movie. I loved the scene where they walk into IKEA and just ‘have a moment’ in pretending to live life in the displayed ideal homes, picturing what it would be like to own a set of matching wooden kitchen deco and sleep on a firm mattress with floral patterned sheets and duvet cover. Dream a little maybe…

A lot of people SAY to live life as if today was your last but how many people you know ACTUALLY really live it? Sure I understand that you can’t just leave your 2-year-old baby and spend a crazy night with a handsome CEO in Ritz Carlton hotel just for fun. You can not leave your mortgage behind and spend 18 months exploring the abundant culture, wilderness, music and food of Africa. You can not quit your job and attempt a life as an artist on the streets of Paris.

But you CAN live 500 Days of Carpe Diem instead.

If you think back in your life, can you count 500 days where you have truly lived?!?!

Love with no return.

Travel as if this is the last scene you will see with your very own eyes.

Eat as if you will never have another meal again.

Just for 500 days in your life, you can do it.

Do something worth living today and count it as Day 1.

Because some people don’t even get to live another 500 days.

Start NOW.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Love that goes beyond

July 21, 2012 2 comments

Husband married Wife.

Husband loves Wife very deeply.

Couple hood life settles in nicely and smoothly although a bit quiet at times.

Gradually they started hanging out more often with Husband’s best friend as a trio.

They get along really well and have loads of fun together.

Husband’s work gets more and more demanding.

Wife hangs out with Husband’s best friend more and more often.

Slowly it seems them two have more in common and can chat more easily.

Gradually Wife becomes close to Husband’s best friend and develop feelings for him.

Husband notice the situation changed and departs at the right time without a fight.

Wife is embraced by Husband’s best friend with open arms.

==================================================

Husband and Husband’s best friend makes a pact.

To keep the secret between them only.

No one must ever speak of it.

Husband receives treatment in a hospice out-of-town.

Husband’s best friend spend time with his Wife.

To keep her company, to make her laugh, to be there for her.

When the time comes, Husband’s best friend is to love Wife with all his heart.

Husband notice the situation changed and departs at the right time without a fight.

Husband dies peacefully on his own with a smile on his face.

Husband knows that Wife is being loved and taken care of by the one person he trusts the most.

Wife is the luckiest girl on the planet.

Don’t you agree?

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Win/Win Situation for Me/Me

July 18, 2012 3 comments

Everyone’s actions are stimulated by certain motivations.

Some people come to work to get paid.

Some people walk into a bar to get laid.

I like to win.

I have men hovering around me with sweet talks, lovely treats, and fancy cars.

Put another women in the equation and you have my attention.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Around the World #27 – Maldives

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Results oriented relationships

Recently I met a friend in a Shisha bar for a catch up. He asked if I wanted to have some and actually I’ve never tried it before, so he offered me his. I took a puff and waited. Nothing happened. So I asked him ‘Am I suppose to feel anything? I mean is it meant to relax you or numb your awareness or make you feel on top of the world?’ He laughed at me and told me to chill out and stop being so results oriented, that I’m off work now and I can stop looking for desired outcomes.

But aren’t we like that in relationships too? If this is not going anywhere then let’s just end it, and it was only your second date.

This is how it goes. You compare check lists on the first couple of dates: Do you want to have 3 children? Do you want to live in an English-speaking country? What kind of partner do you want? What hobbies do you have? What do you want to achieve in the next 5 years? Are you happy with where you are at now? What is your financial management strategy? What are your strengths and weaknesses? How do you handle difficult situations? Do you possess leadership skills?

Once you’ve decided that you have similar goals and objections, you set out a process map or flow chat on how you want to achieve those together and you set milestones and delivery dates of each project. When to get engaged? Where do you want the wedding? Do you want to live in a house or apartment? How are we going to fund it? How long until we try for our first child? Will she be a stay home mum?

You will have regular status update meeting with important stakeholders and flash an item amber or red if it is behind schedule or at risk. So his parents don’t really like you. His ex still keeps in contact with him. You don’t have enough money. Your period is not regular.

You will find the root cause of problems and propose solutions for bottlenecks before the matter gets worse and out of control or things get blown out of budget. You buy his parents expensive Christmas presents to woo them. You warn his ex that he is taken and happy now. You kick start a strict saving plan with no going out activity and cut down on all luxury food items. You research everything to do with IVF and adoption.

What happened to falling in love first?!?!

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Around the World #26 – Napa Valley, California

Private wine tasting at Beringer was my highlight!

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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10 things I can not stand about him

July 13, 2012 4 comments

1. He is easily angered.

2. He is full of weird surprises.

3. He flirts with others constantly.

4. He uses people like pieces on a chess board.

5. He craves crave love, attention, praise, encourage and affirmation constantly.

6. He is dishonest.

7. He is easily hurt and doesn’t forgive easily.

8. He wears many masks.

9. He has no patience.

10. Most importantly, he does not wish to be with me.

Yet I am still by his side.

Don’t tell me this is love.

I don’t know how long I can stand him.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Around the World #25 – Malaga, Spain

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Keep it interesting. I have short concentration span!

July 11, 2012 3 comments

Research shows that an average adult has an attention span of about 12 minutes which is why there are commercial breaks in between episodes of Gossip Girl and Top Gear. Except now we watch most things online and on demand so you can start and stop whenever you want. Don’t you wish the same can to applied to relationships?!?!

I’m losing interest in the men I date very quickly. Totally and utterly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, they are men who look good on paper who may even check a few items on the list. A decent job together with an above average sanity level and good emotional quotient is the rare few left in this extinct species. But….big but!

Listen. Honestly if you can’t think of where to take a girl for dinner and / or a good night out then why would she ever be interested in you as a person because you already lack organisation and entertainment skills. If the girl has to suggest and book where to go then she could have gone there with her own friends. Bring an element of freshness and surprise please, come on, show that you have life outside of your living room and Diablo. At least move your fingers and search ‘nice restaurants for a first date’ – not Pizza Hut!

Seriously if the most interesting thing you can come up with is going to the movies then that is just sad. For one, there is no conversation space when you are in the dark staring at a screen so there is no getting to know each other value in it, unless you want to get in her pants in this environment which says so much about you already. The other thing is if staring at the screen was more interesting than sitting across the table from you, a very serious problem presented itself right here.

OK I get it that most men are not romantics nor study Hollywood manuscripts as a hobby to get the girl of their dreams. You don’t have to buy her 99 flowers then tell her she is the one that makes you complete but turning up with a cupcake sometimes just does the trick.

I guess it’s not totally their fault because I live an interesting life and in comparison they are just plain dull. If I’m not interesting to meeting up again, then what chance have you to show me your lovely personality before I finally regret it when you fart in bed and cut your toenails in the middle of my favourite Sex and the City episode. I also don’t believe in building a relationship on fb messages or twitter follows – it probably just proves you are a stalker. I only count the physical presence and actual conversation as opposed to ‘likes‘.

Are blind marriages are the way to go nowadays? My grandparents only met each other on the day of their wedding and are still together after 60 years. Instead of choosing and picking only after 5 full minutes to write them off as completely non-potential, you just take what you have and deal with it.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Around the World #24 – Granada, Spain

July 10, 2012 5 comments

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Like Lovers

A closeness like lovers.

This is the best way I know how.
The distance now in exchange for a lifetime.
Riskiest investment I’ve ever taken.
After your adventures maybe you will turn around.
This is the only way I know how.
To wish for your best interest.
To not stand in your path.
To be the pole in your storm.
To be there for you.
To love.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Mount Snowdon, Wales

We took the Miner’s Track which isn’t that long in terms of distance and the beginning part of the trail is relatively flat. But the severe weather conditions made it really tough and we did not get rewarded with beautiful scenery at the top of the summit – only hard core wind and hail. It was an experience anyways and I’m might even consider doing the 3 Peak challenge.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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When she sends mixed signals

June 29, 2012 2 comments

The Fishing Line

I’m holing onto the line.

I do not know what is beyond

A nice big fish that can be enjoyed for dinner?

A bag of trash that shouldn’t be there?

A rock that breaks my hook?

It cuts into my flesh and I bleed.

Yet I am not willing to let go.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

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Strangers

Friends become strangers.

Lovers become enemies.

Family is blood.

***Photo by journeyexplorerImage

The little boy inside the big man

There is something utterly attractive when I see his vulnerability.

So true and so real.

So soft and so gentle.

People see vulnerableness as weakness yet I see a simple-minded innocent child-like figure.

At the point, I just want to love him with all my heart and never let him get hurt.

I can see past his masks and sometimes it saddens me.

What will he be like with no mask to begin with?

***Photo by bgorsphotography

What to expect when you have expectations

People always says if you have no expectations then you will not be disappointed. But we all have expectations and somehow it comes to us so utterly natural we can not help it.

If it hurts just as much whether he flirts with other girls online, he sends suggestive texts to other girls, he watches porn, chats up the sexy bartender or masturbates with Playboy. Then how is he sleeping with another women so very different? Think about it, if emotional and mental cheating is still cheating then why does it matter? Is it better that he fell in love with someone else or went to a prostitute? Is it better that it was just one time and he felt sorry then came running back or that he left you for someone else? Is it better that you never found out or to know all along but say nothing? It is irrelevant, it still hurts.

It’s a self-defense mechanism we all adopt. We would rather think he is cheating when he is not than think he is not cheating when he is. Actually I can take it when a man cheats but it upsets me I heard about a man who made a conscious decision to have a child with a women who is not his wife. That’s why I sometimes prefer to be the other women, because at least I already know he is cheating – just a matter of quantity. I laugh when people swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The truth is, you will never know the truth.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Lake Tahoe – California / Nevada

June 19, 2012 1 comment

A variety of activities to enjoy what Lake Tahoe has to offer in spring/summer.

You can gamble on the Nevada side. Have a cheap and nasty meal from a casino restaurant.

You can take a casual bike ride around the forest trail. Take an extra long lunch by the beach front. Read a book on a deck chair.

Simply take in the views of the lake.

Tranquility.

***Photos by journeyexplorer

Slap on the face

June 18, 2012 2 comments

Loneliness is when you walk around a city of 8 million people yet no one notices you.

Sadness is when you are out of town and bump into your ex with a girl on his arm.

Fate is when you bump into them again at your local train station within 24 hours.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

You asked for it

June 16, 2012 2 comments

Being the high maintenance demanding selfish emotional princess that I am, I just can’t help having the occasional unreasonable expectations of my man as follows:

The bf must accompany me to go to a movie and / or concert I want to see.

The bf must update my itunes music library with all my favorite songs.

The bf must carry bags for me even if it says I Love Primark on it.

The bf must notice I have had a haircut and / or colour change even if I myself can’t notice any difference.

The bf must give a compliment each time he sees me.

The bf must pay for all purchases I make whether it be tampons or Jimmy Choo shoes.

The bf must pick me up from work, facial appointments, dance lessons etc with a smiling happy face.

The bf must sleep when I sleep and wake up when I wake up.

The bf must answer my calls within 3 rings and never miss a call of mine.

The bf must adore, respect and love my family as much as I do.

The bf must be the first to say happy birthday at exactly midnight.

The bf must provide solutions to all pending problems.

The bf must keep all promises he makes or never let the words pass through his mouth in the first place.

The bf must be a great listener and remember everything I’ve ever told him.

The bf must always arrive earlier than me whenever we meet up.

So there you go, stop asking me what I’m looking for in a man and start acting. Don’t say I didn’t tell you loud and clear. Be warned. Oh and I reserve the right to make any changes as and when I wish.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Time Marker

June 15, 2012 2 comments

We use time as a measurement in all sorts of things.

A year and two months I’ve been in this job. Women were first allowed to vote in the UK in 1832. 10 years since 9/11. Elvis would have been 347 by now. Just how long will we keep track?

Besides it being a money making opportunity for Hallmark and the likes of businesses why do we mark dates on our calendars with birthdays and anniversaries each year? Why do we use time as a hard core framework?

It reminds me of where I am.

TODAY should have, would have, could have. But is not.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Around the World #23 – Santa Cruz, California

On a glorious Friday afternoon, it seemed like the whole town was on the beach broadway having the time of their life without a worry in the world. It made me wonder what life would be like in sunshine state of California and maybe the economy isn’t as bad as it had been portrayed. There were queues for rides. Laughter can be heard throughout. Teenagers and families were enjoying themselves as if there was no tomorrow.

P.S: Try the Dole pineapple soft serve or float…yummy!

***Photo by journeyexplorer

A trip like no other

I receive a message from my life buddy ‘Hey I’m just leaving the house now. So excited!’

‘Me too!! Can’t wait to see you soooooooooon.’ I reply back

When we meet we hug for a whole minute and our laughter echoes so loud in the lobby that everyone is staring but we don’t care. This is no ordinary meeting. Since our last message to each other, we both traveled to our local airport and took an 11 hour flight to a continent different to one that each of us lives in.

For me, travelling is so much more than just sightseeing these days. I have seen my fair share of cathedrals, museums, plazas, beaches and mountains hence I am more fussy with picking my travel partners. I want to enjoy and appreciate the time we have together rather than just ticking off the list of things to do and see. In fact, this time we didn’t even bring a guidebook. We enjoy roaming the streets of downtown and taking long walks to suburbs beyond. I had no expectations of our trip, because the important element was our quality time and life sharing. Indeed it was truly enjoyable with many pleasant surprises and I laughed so much in these few days than I ever did year to date.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Natural beauty is an oxymoron

In this day and age where going for a cosmetic surgery, medical facial, vein removal procedures or botox is like going for a haircut, natural beauty will soon be in extinction. I’m not even talking about those in the industry or on magazine covers, because we all know the power of media brain washes us to makes us feel like we don’t measure up. All the perfect skin, gorgeous complexion, ideal bodied portraits of people on TV we can push aside but even if men are going for manicure what is this world coming to? Should beauty pageant contests start having real vs artificial ratio on girls? Should mothers start buying nose job vouchers for their teenage daughters as their birthday or Christmas present?

Unfortunately, as much as we want to deny it, our world operates on appearances. Chinese people always says there are no ugly women just lazy women. I am the first to put my hand up to say I’m lazy on grooming sometimes, especially when I’m travelling. I was an unattractive pimple faced chubby girl in my prime age but I promised myself I’m going to be a hell of a hot 40-year-old women. At the moment I’m doing about 8 hours of exercise per week. It’s hard work but it also gives me the sense of achievement that I do not get elsewhere and also creates an endorphin addiction. I just feel sorry for those who get addicted to procedures done on them instead of working on it themselves. Because the more that’s done, the more that needs to be done. The more you gain your self-esteem from it, the more lowly you will feel without it.

Personally, I link weight and appearance management to success and personal achievement. Do you ever see a 350lb CEO or president??? NO! So if you want to look and feel good, work on it instead of being worked on.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

Special thanks my two male models on our Californian trip

Recycled men

Girls always complain there are no great guys are there and that is probably true. The young ones are naive, immature and not dependable. But the mature ones will come with experience and most probably bad ones hence they are single. Unless you go for taken guys which is a complete whole different blog post. Hence I love this term – recycled men. They have been used and throw away, now back on the market intended for the greater good of the world. Are we too judgemental to overlook them or can we cater for the idea?

Only when something is broken does it need mending. Only when we have mended then we can learn to appreciate what we have even in the midst of pain. I love to hear other people’s stories and I love to share their experiences as it always fascinates me. Recently, I had the privilege to listen to Sheila Walsh speak in person and she was amazing. Sometimes when someone tells you everything is going to be alright you don’t believe them, because you don’t feel it from them. But when Sheila Walsh says something she does not say it lightly. She draws from her own personal path which is true to her heart. The first time I heard her story, which I’m sure she has told over 1000 times, I was in tears for she told it with such emotions it was as if she relived it in her head again when she spoke the words. But yet she has strived forward so maybe recycled men can offer something too.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

That special feeling

I’ve lived in 4 countries and speak 3 languages fluently. I learnt Japanese for 6 years in high school but still didn’t master it or able to carry out a conversation of any sort. I take every opportunity to travel there but never had a chance to work or live there (yet). My favourite word in the Japanese language is shiawase 幸せ [しあわせ] (adj-na,n). Literally translated it means happiness, good fortune, or luck. But it means much more than that as it implies a state of contentment and joy beyond words can describe. When you say the word it has a really good flow on your tongue and when spoken softly it brings your hair standing. It’s exactly that feeling you get when someone makes you feel special and treats you like the most important person in the whole wide world. It’s things like when…

…he makes you giggle like a little girl

…he looks at you like you are the only person in the world

…he ditches his mates to bring you chicken soup

…he holds your hair back when you are being sick

…he sends you a text as soon as he wakes to say he misses you

…he watches you sleep then tells you how beautiful you are when you open your eyes

…he encourages you to achieve your potential

…he compliments you without being prompted

…he rescues you from your troubles

…he gives you a big hug that goes beyond words

These things happen often in movies as promoted by our great Hollywood but in reality only happens once in a life time if you are lucky enough. Interestingly, I had the best shiawase feeling on Saturday and it came from my soon to be 5-year-old little friend. It’s been a year since I first met him and we have developed a special bond as I try to enter this world spending every Saturday afternoon together. We sit in silence sometimes just wheeling around a train for 45 minutes without break. We climb up and down his bed repeatedly. We played letter games and number games, now he can write short words – I’m so proud of him!!! At first he wouldn’t make eye contact with me and shies away but now he looks me right in the eye. He pee on me one time but now he is fully toilet trained. We recite stories together that he has memorised from cover to cover. He even starts to recollect experiences and tells me how he went to the zoo and Thomas’ birthday party!!! Last Saturday, a special moment passed when we played the ‘I’m stuck’ game where he throw himself at me full weight so I can’t move and I have to yell ‘I’m stuck, I’m stuck!’. Then we reverse roles and all throughout we giggle crazily. That feeling is so precious, irreplaceable, and not comparable to any other.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Mind the Gap

When two people come together. There is a fair amount of getting to know each other to do because you need to find out the gaps. You should be mindful, otherwise you might just fall right in and break a leg or a heart with the misalignment.

You have different upbringing and background. You have different cultures and values. You have different decision-making and problem solving processes. You have different expectations and reactions to situations. You speak different love languages.

You may have similar dreams and aspirations you wish to pursue together, hence when you decide to do life together there are certain amounts of weight shifting. You have to adjust to each other and see what roles each person takes up. Are you equal individuals or is one more dependent on the other? Does one person outshine the other or each has their own strengths? Who is more of a listener or problem solver? Do you take different roles in front of peers as opposed to at home? Who handles more the details and who has more of a bigger picture view? Some relationships may breeze through probation period without even realising it and settle comfortably. Some relationships require willing and constant compromise which feels like hard work. I suppose it should have a balance of the two and it requires adjustment with time and changing circumstances. That is what I miss sometimes, the ‘us’ element – as the ultimate goal is for two to become one.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Categories: Uncategorized

Categories: Uncategorized

Categories: Uncategorized

The Experiment

It was rush hour at a metro station in Washington DC called L’Enfant Plaza, hundreds of people were speeding off to work in the morning. A guy put his violin case down and started playing with Johann Sebastian Bach’s Partita No. 2 in D Minor which was known as one of the hardest violin piece ever written. 63 people walked past before a man turned his head for a split second noticing some guy was playing the violin. It took 6 minutes before the first person stopped to listen and in the end 7 people did during the 45 min performance. A total of 1,097 people walked by and he collected $32.17.

Joshua Bell. A child prodigy. An award winning violinist. His violin alone costs $3.5 million. He sold out a Boston concert hall at $150 per ticket and is said to be worth $1,000 per minute every time he plays. Yet that morning, he collected $32.17. This was an experiment conducted by the Washington Post.

Ever since childhood it has been drilled into my head that I should protect myself especially when it comes to relationships, so I naturally developed a self defense mechanism. Hence throughout my dating career I always choose men who are more interested and attracted to me than vice versa. However, recently I would say that I have fallen into a trap, one I can not get myself out of. I, me, shockingly actually like someone and hell it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. In fact, I get Princess Wannabe Syndrome. It is a condition where if he is 5 minutes late when meeting me at his own accord, I get so upset you would have thought he killed my cat. If he ever makes contact with another human being on any one of his electronic devices in my presence, I feel like I have been dumped into a river of neglect. If his life and everything that he does in his world does not evolve around me, then I must not be important at all so I should just marry the next man I see. So I decided to conduct an experiment with myself as the subject.

We have heard it all that love is all about giving more than receiving, going that extra mile even when there is no reward because it is too easy to love someone who loves you back. Honestly, I am not that honourable. I just want to see what it means to put the other person’s best interest in the equation. In order for me to get over my insecurities of jealousy, obsessively possessive personality and phobia of abandonment, I must try to take this leap of faith which I have never ever done before in my entire life. Otherwise I am never able to truly love. So here I am, throwing myself into the deep end.

I jump!

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Joy from within

I haven’t laughed properly for so long that it’s just not funny. I let myself stay in this dark hole for so long that I can’t open my eyes when light shines through. At the time, everything I knew in my world collapsed on me with a snappy Domino effect. I lost my job hence we didn’t go through with the property purchase we planned for our immediate future and it ended up that there was no future out of this 5 year relationship. I moved out and in fact moved to another country, took the only job that was on offer and we never spoke again. I lost hope, joy, direction and my true self.

I walked blindly in the dark. I locked myself in. Everything in my view was grey. Crying was my new favourite hobby. I let myself listen to ‘Don’t you Remember?’ The reason you loved me before…’ Sometimes I think I even enjoyed that state of depression and self-pity. At least it contributed to my writing ability so that was a plus.

But somehow miraculously I broke out of it. I’m on the mend, even though circumstances and status have not improved ie I’m not now married with 3 kids, own 5 properties or earning £1m a year. Yet I am now seeing through the clouds. I feel peace and joy from within which is such a great surprise.

This weekend I actually enjoyed the social events I attended. This weekend I set myself free. This weekend the sun shone on my face.  This weekend I was able to laugh again and it feels bloody awesome.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

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The Hijack Game

One year ago I was abandoned and you were the first person I saw after it happened. You witnessed my waterfall of tears, but you didn’t know what, why, who or how. Then out of the blue I bumped into him when he was supposed to be living in a different country I questioned ‘WHY?’, and you were the first person I ran to for comfort.

Day by day our proximity minimised. You needed a friend and I was available. We opened up to each other without barrier or pretence. Slowly, bit by bit you hacked into my world. I was blinded and never realised that I was falling in love with you completely. Even when I dated other people, I was thinking they don’t really measure up because somehow you were already there for me. We talked and saw each other everyday, we ate together, we did stupid things together, we shared tears and heartbreak, we gave each other advice we ourselves could not live out. You encouraged me, you supported me, you met my friends, we shared a common channel so you became my best friend on site which was the dark world I fell and locked myself into.

Trouble was I got used to depending on you and you being there for me all the time. Slowly you got to know me so well your words and actions worked like magic on me. Unfortunately, my possessive personality fought its way through. I thought I could be the one to make you happy. I thought I could be the person you needed to lift you up. I thought I could offer you the attention and respect you so well deserved. I promised you to make you the luckiest man on this planet, but I failed at my role because it was a game I created and wanted so much to win at.

In the end I lost before I even began. I couldn’t see past my own insecurities. Now I lost bearing.

One year on I am abandoned once again by my own doings.

There I am again. A 6 years old, standing behind the slammed door begging and choking through my tears for them not to go. But they never turned their head back. They were gone.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Different walks of life

Dear journeyexplorer,

A good friend of mine has recently come out of yet another in a series of failed medium to long-term relationships. This friend is feeling disillusioned about it all, and has given up the idea of dating because it just doesn’t seem to work: people keep changing (it’s a natural part of life hey?) and how likely is it that two people can grow and change together anyway? The best you can hope for is an amiable marriage that evolves into modest companionship. The worst case scenario (where you remain together) is years of bitterness and hurt.  This person also points out that when you go into a relationship with a good friend you potentially come out of it with a bitter enemy. Sounds like a lose-lose situation. And before you start accusing my friend of being a pessimist, divorce statistics seem to support this view.

Advice please.

P.s. Obviously this is about a friend and not me. Right.

x. Disillusioned.

Dear Disillusioned,

Thank you for being a trusted reader and writing to me, I don’t have answers but I can share a bit of my thoughts and story with you.  I sympathise with your experience, it is very frustrating and discouraging to enter the dating scene again especially when you are still carrying baggage from the past. I have been on a date recently where the person is attractive, the food is good, and conversation is flowing but in my head I just wished I was snuggled up at home watching a DVD  with a comfortable partner instead. 

Lately I have been thinking maybe we were not meant to find ‘happily ever after’ because we now live in a world that has become so global and quick to change with very limited attention span and easily distracted. Even if you marry the person of your dreams there are no guarantees that they will not die of cancer two years on. So maybe the key is to enjoy different types and stages of relationships during our different walks of life, because I completely agree with you it seems two people can not ride through the crashing waves of change together but have different reactions or plans to oncoming circumstances.

As with entering into a relationship with a good friend, it needs to be very carefully managed. When you take that leap with that status change, there are a whole bunch of expectations, insecurities and demands attached that can be a can of worms because it was not what you/them had envisioned.

I hope that knowing other people have the same struggles and obstacles will help you see through the blurred scenes.

Yours sincerely,

journeyexplorer

Mourn with those who mourn

Why do we tend to share our good news more so than our sad news? Isn’t it that we need friends and family much more during bad times?
Why do we congratulate those with a new job yet can not support those who has been made redundant?
Why do we promote pregnancy but can not share the burden of an abortion or miscarriage? Why can we share the joys of marriage but can not walk with those who go through heartbreak? Why do we celebrate at graduation ceremonies yet leave all those with learning disabilities unnoticed?
One of my very close friend is so brave and courageous I am so proud of her. Her approach is something that we can all learn from. You know how you are not supposed to tell people in your early stages of pregnancy and she was just in her first few weeks. But she loves to share her news with good friends. At first I tried to make her tone down her joy because it was early stages still. She would have none of it and I was happy for her.
Unfortunately soon after that she lost her baby and she also shared the pain with us. I got to experience the full joy and thereafter also got the privilege to mourn together with her and share part of her pain as well. It has helped her to grief and recover and it also built our friendship. I totally respect her for doing that. No one should suffer alone.

PS: Writing this post has really helped me to share my pain and now I’m on the upside so that really proves my point.

***Photo by bgorsphotography

Everything London #33 – BBC: Be in the Audience

Be in the BBC Radio 4 Audience – half a night out with free entertainment. I always love comedy shows so thought I’d try out the Simon Day Show without knowing anything about it. In fact, I thought it going there to be a TV audience then when I got there I realised it was for radio. Nevertheless, it was a fun and interesting experience – especially if you are looking for things to do in London on a budget.

The first part of the recording of Simon Day reading a memoir as an ex-criminal, then second part was a sitcom with three other performers and live sound effects. The sitcom was enlightening and the performers were really good. I especially liked Simon Greenall who did two characters. They ran through everything super smoothly in about half hour, then the producer asked them to do ‘pick ups’ which are lines he wanted to be repeated and done again.

The show will be airing towards end of June on BBC4 – maybe I can hear my own laughter on it. But hang on, I didn’t check whether I liked the sound of my own laugh first!

Everything London #32 – One Man, Two Guvnor

I deliberately didn’t read any reviews or other information about this show before I went so I would walk in with no expectations. In fact, I thought this was a musical until my galfriend said he was looking forward to her first drama in London. We did not know what guvnor even meant! This did not disappoint at all and even had a few surprises chucked in. It is really entertaining, funny even a bit quirky, I was laughing so much, especially in the first act which I much preferred over the second. I love it how they create a really relaxed environment for everyone to enjoy the show and the use of the lovely band with their light-hearted music. A very good use of the stage even with such a simple set. Lead actor Owain Arthur is really awesome and light of the show supported well by the other actors, but he truly stands out.

I am also glad to know they are making good use of social media, I twitted about going to see the show on the day and they replied my twitt asking me to let them know how I enjoyed it. A show that has heart and puts effort towards their audiences is a great bonus. Definitely a good night out, don’t miss out.

Everything London #31 – Ballet Revolucion, Peacock Theatre

Last night was opening night with the press and some ‘celebrities’ attending. We were really lucky to get second row seats for half price. Throughout the whole show you can feel their passion and excitement in their movement. A very good variety of dance styles with ballet, obviously, hip hop, jazz and even a bit of MJ thrown in. Their on stage live band was absolutely lively, male and female vocals were record quality which completely compliments their dance.

All dancers have great techniques based on strong foundation, years of training for sure – you can tell most of them dedicate their lives to dancing. Their bodily form were amazing, especially the boys whom I was checking out of course, no shame! Most of them had six packs and one or two had muscles so particular in every single part of their body, it takes some hard work. I think I fell in love with a couple right there, especially the lead male dancer with short curly hair, so cute and yummy. OK back to what was I saying?!?!

They danced so hard you can see sweat dripping off them. I have done dancing here and there for a few years and it has made me want to pick it up again which is what a good show does, it inspires people. Highly recommended, definitely get yourself some tickets even if you are not into dance.

Everything London #30 – Abandoman@ Udderbelly

An Irish Rapper?!?! You may doubt but this guy is awesome!!!

A grand entrance with his band supporting him, he kicked off a song called ‘What’s in your Pocket?’ The lyrics are based on what the audience randomly pulled out items from their handbags or pockets and he just rapped for a whole 4 minutes using the items we all held up. Absolutely hilarious!! 

Most other songs were also based on audience input and he truly picks his stories and participants well. Such an amazingly talented performer! It was a fun and laughter filled hour – highly recommended, even when English is not my first language and I didn’t really get some of the stuff. If you ever get a chance to see him, jump at the chance! Thumbs up!

Everything London #29 – Circkus Cirkor’s Underman

For Circusfest 2012 there is a performance sponsored by Time Out called Circkus Cirkor’s Underman. Four hairy bulky blokes running around the stage in jeans and shirt performing highly artistic movements and poses with an awkward bluntness. Possibly retired ex circus performers who are extremely talented with their arts. Their music really complimented the show – at times it feels like I’m in a jazz bar or music show. I really enjoyed their excellent choreography and lighting effects. At times they were so humours I thought it was a stand up comedy show.
Definitely highly recommended – get tickets for the rest of the week if you can. I clapped so hard my hands hurt.

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Museum of Broken Relationship@ Zagreb

April 10, 2012 1 comment

Broken suggests damage caused by lies, deceit and let down. It resulted in anger, frustration, hate and disappointment which was displayed throughout the museum. It is a perfect medium for people to voice, express and exhibit their stories and emotions. They can find common ground and support. It is interesting that it is in the form of a museum so physical objects can be displayed. However it is the narratives that is most interesting. Some are sad, some are funny but some are painful. I love it that people share their stories.

What item would you display?

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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I Have Found The One

April 5, 2012 6 comments

His name is Bikram.
He makes me feel good about myself.
He makes my skin glow with flushing red cheeks.
He makes me sweat all over and reach orgasm.
He motivates me and challenges my determination.

He teaches me mind over matter.

He heals my back, neck and shoulder pains.

I Have Found The One! Actually 26 postures!

 

Everything London #28 – Jersey Boys

Boring.

There was way too much narrative as actors were talking for more than half the time. During the time that they did sing, it was just the performance within their story line. Honestly, if I wanted to listen to classic songs I would have just stayed home and played a CD. It didn’t feel like I was watching a musical at all as they did not use music to tell a story. Nor did it feel like a drama since there was not much acting involved. There was no stage variation with a very basic band and music arrangement. There was about a 2 min climax to the story where Frankie’s daughter died then everyone got over it quickly enough.

Conclusion: Not worth paying £20 for my circle seat ticket.

Everything London #27 – Wicked The Musical

The most impressive thing I found was that vocals of all performers are outstanding complimented by very emotion catching musical accompaniment. It is quite a dramatic story with great stage effects and sound system which exceeds expectations of most theatre shows.

I especially enjoyed the variety of dance they had and how in one corner they have the story unfolding yet a group of background dancers are decorating the stage with their beautiful moves.

No wonder this is an award-winning musical and everyone who has seen it recommends it.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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30 hours in Luxembourg

Transport

The airport bus 9 or 16 en route to city centre goes past the business district where offices of banks and other multi national corporations lined the streets. Surprised to find Luxembourg is the largest private banking centre in the Euro zone due to its political stability backed by a good legal and regulatory framework.

Luxair serves food and drinks even during the one hour short flight from London city airport. Their staff is super friendly. You can check in your bag at no extra cost. You don’t have to pay to get extra legroom or to use the toilet. Thumbs up.

Eat

In the pedestrian area I stumbled upon a heart-felt soup cafe – a la Soupe, which was just perfect in the cool weather and after strolling around the city for half a day. Good range of healthy soups which are very tasty. Must go!

Surprisingly, Luxembourg has the most Michelin stars per capita of any city in the world. restaurant does not disappoint. The one we went to (and I’m gutted I forgot their name) served my fish soup from a mega teapot. Desert was refreshing – I had fresh strawberries with yogurt. The panna cotta was really nice.

Excursion

Vianden is a good day trip you can do with great transportation access from central station just for tourists, even though you have to change a couple of times but it’s easy enough to manage. You can buy a day ticket from the main train station which includes entry to the castle, chairlift ride and transport to and back. It was good to explore a bit of the country side views with fresh air and sunshine.

30 hours in Luxembourg was just right and it is perfect for a short sweet weekend getaway.

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Categories: Uncategorized

Trial and Error

March 21, 2012 2 comments

NSA – no strings attached.

FWB – Friends with Benefits.

You see it in the personal classified section.

You see it in movie titles.

You see it in people’s lives.

Or maybe you are a current participant.

So why do people do it?

Because they don’t want to be seen as clingy, emotional and possessive?

Because they are busy with a million and one things in life and it’s just convenient?

Because they are ABA– attached but available?

Because one night stands are just so last century?

Or simply because they have lost faith in relationships.

Of course in movies they all have happy endings and the end up discovering each other as ‘The One’. But in real life, it’s all about trial and error. You don’t want to miss the opportunity that it might eventuate into something fruitful so you give it a go. But then when bad times come or things don’t work out, NEXT!!!

So how many errors do we have to go through to get things right?!?!

Snowy Niseko@ Hokkaiddo – Japan

The Japanese are humble cultured so when they call themselves number two ski resort in the world that really says something. I have been skiing / snowboarding in Australia, Austria, Italy, France, China, USA and now Japan. Each time it’s a completely different experience depending on your age, fitness, weather, accommodation and of course people you go with as well.

This time was absolutely awesome. We stayed in a self serviced apartment with laundry and kitchen facilities which is always convenient. It is a little bit further from the chairlift and gondola but they have free and frequent shuttle buses to take you around so it’s manageable with all the gear.

I’m impressed with how they have organised their resort with good transport facilities like buses to nearby shops and supermarkets for your essential needs. Nightly buses to nearby towns so you don’t have to be ‘stuck’ in Niseko all day or all week. They even offer excursions to the nearby Sapporo and Otaru city for those who want to do some sight-seeing or souvenir shopping.

The weather was out of my comfort zone. Since it is famous for its powdery snow, it snowed pretty much everyday that we were there. But visibility was extremely low and it was hard for me to navigate where I was going. On the day where we decided to embark on a cross mountain adventure, I could hardly see 10m ahead of me with fog. Lucky everyone was dressed in very sharp red, yellow and green gear so it stands out a bit. Lucky their slops are very wide compared to the European mountains which is a big plus especially for beginners who want to learn and not be afraid of falling off the cliffs.

They have three mountains areas offered although if you are only there for a few days just Hirafu would be good enough. I’m impressed with the variety on ski passes as well, you can purchase by hours or days depending on your needs with a selection of just Hirafu area or all three mountains.

Japan has top-notch service with always well-mannered staff even on the chair lifts they treat you like royalty as you get on. After a tiresome day of highly active sport, you can relax in one of their hot spring or bath houses. Of course everyone knows I love Japanese food, I had my fair share of sashimi, sushi, sukiyaki, ramen, curry rice and ice cream made with Hokkaido farmed milk was the highlight.

There was a funny thing – I saw and met so many Australians there in the few couple of days I almost thought I was in Australia. Even the apartment owners and some shuttle staff were Aussie. I suppose Australia’s snow mountains aren’t that great and Japan would be an ideal easy to reach option.

Everything added together made a great trip but something complimented my week even more. We had 20 of us which were a fun, active, out-going, adventurous bunch. We had great laughs even on the 5 minutes chairlift rides. We sharing quality food during all three meals of the day and most nights we cooked which was quite homely. After that we had alcohol infused poker nights.

Nice apartment. Good food. Nice slopes. Good snow. Great company.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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Everything London #26 – Velo

An unnoticeable fast food style Vietnamese shop slightly off the busy buzz side of London Bridge with a slogan of ‘love making food’ – which can be interpreted as you wish.

In Mascot Sydney, there is/was a tiny bakery shop that did the best Vietnamese baguette ever – and luckily it was close to my old job. I was just thinking that there is no such thing here in London until I found this newly opened shop. Well actually after my first visit, I then realised that Pret a Manger now does a type of it which is yet to be tried, but they are a chain so already I have my prejudice. Anyway so Velo doesn’t exactly reach that top-notch level but will make do as they make it when you order which seems fresh enough. Seeing they only open on weekdays it looks like they cater for the office workers around that area. They have ordering machines so you can DIY if you do not wish to speak to anyone during your precious lunch break or you think it might be quicker. I found their loyalty card quite interesting which gives me the impression that the owner or their team must be quite an innovative bunch.

On my second visit, I tried their vermicelli which was loaded with warm meat and nice salad but more flavour can be added. Maybe I was looking for more sweetness from their fish sauce base or in their marinated carrot and turnip sticks. To test any Vietnamese food will definitely have to depend on their Pho soup base and I am super fussy and picky about it so it is still untested. Maybe on my next visit I might try it but I take the risk of being disappointed.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

 

 

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Categories: Uncategorized

Categories: Uncategorized

Categories: Uncategorized

Everything London #25 – Boxpark Shoreditch

February 25, 2012 Leave a comment

A bus ride through Shoreditch High Street caught my eye as I see a whole row of shops lined the streets in identical rectangular shaped doors with brand named labels. It created enough interest to venture out there to explore this new hip and heavily invested area as the next up and coming, apparently.

I always love boutique shopping, especially in Asia or sometimes if lucky in Europe as well. Although the outlook is very greyish metallic, border line boring but it makes you look carefully on each of the individually decorated stores and food shops which attempts to attract your visit.

After a brief stroll on a windy evening, we decided to sit down for a meal and choose Bukowski. Well actually only because Pieminister was sold out and it reminded me of that episode on The Apprentice where they had to make their own fast food chain and the team that did pie was a big success. Anyway their Wild Burger, which is burger of the month I think, is to be highly recommended. Not cheap for a burger but definitely worth every penny with their incredibly fresh and organic ingredients – very juicy meat with lush mushroom and nicely done bun. Their fries are made with tender love and care topped with their mayo is just amazing. I don’t quite like their homemade tomato sauce but that’s just I’m a slave of Heinz. Definitely try their homemade lemonade though. A nice casual meal with a good friendly environment and staff.

***Photo by journeyexplorer

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