Home > Relationships, Thoughts > Different walks of life

Different walks of life

Dear journeyexplorer,

A good friend of mine has recently come out of yet another in a series of failed medium to long-term relationships. This friend is feeling disillusioned about it all, and has given up the idea of dating because it just doesn’t seem to work: people keep changing (it’s a natural part of life hey?) and how likely is it that two people can grow and change together anyway? The best you can hope for is an amiable marriage that evolves into modest companionship. The worst case scenario (where you remain together) is years of bitterness and hurt.  This person also points out that when you go into a relationship with a good friend you potentially come out of it with a bitter enemy. Sounds like a lose-lose situation. And before you start accusing my friend of being a pessimist, divorce statistics seem to support this view.

Advice please.

P.s. Obviously this is about a friend and not me. Right.

x. Disillusioned.

Dear Disillusioned,

Thank you for being a trusted reader and writing to me, I don’t have answers but I can share a bit of my thoughts and story with you.  I sympathise with your experience, it is very frustrating and discouraging to enter the dating scene again especially when you are still carrying baggage from the past. I have been on a date recently where the person is attractive, the food is good, and conversation is flowing but in my head I just wished I was snuggled up at home watching a DVD  with a comfortable partner instead. 

Lately I have been thinking maybe we were not meant to find ‘happily ever after’ because we now live in a world that has become so global and quick to change with very limited attention span and easily distracted. Even if you marry the person of your dreams there are no guarantees that they will not die of cancer two years on. So maybe the key is to enjoy different types and stages of relationships during our different walks of life, because I completely agree with you it seems two people can not ride through the crashing waves of change together but have different reactions or plans to oncoming circumstances.

As with entering into a relationship with a good friend, it needs to be very carefully managed. When you take that leap with that status change, there are a whole bunch of expectations, insecurities and demands attached that can be a can of worms because it was not what you/them had envisioned.

I hope that knowing other people have the same struggles and obstacles will help you see through the blurred scenes.

Yours sincerely,


  1. May 22, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I still believe there is one out there- and only one- for moi. If we were meant to go through so many spouses, God would have created some of us to be used cars.

    • May 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

      haha you made me laugh…I suppose it’s good to open up to the idea of Plan B just in case The One doesn’t appear as we had dreamt….Thanks for reading!!

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