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Joy from within

I haven’t laughed properly for so long that it’s just not funny. I let myself stay in this dark hole for so long that I can’t open my eyes when light shines through. At the time, everything I knew in my world collapsed on me with a snappy Domino effect. I lost my job hence we didn’t go through with the property purchase we planned for our immediate future and it ended up that there was no future out of this 5 year relationship. I moved out and in fact moved to another country, took the only job that was on offer and we never spoke again. I lost hope, joy, direction and my true self.

I walked blindly in the dark. I locked myself in. Everything in my view was grey. Crying was my new favourite hobby. I let myself listen to ‘Don’t you Remember?’ The reason you loved me before…’ Sometimes I think I even enjoyed that state of depression and self-pity. At least it contributed to my writing ability so that was a plus.

But somehow miraculously I broke out of it. I’m on the mend, even though circumstances and status have not improved ie I’m not now married with 3 kids, own 5 properties or earning £1m a year. Yet I am now seeing through the clouds. I feel peace and joy from within which is such a great surprise.

This weekend I actually enjoyed the social events I attended. This weekend I set myself free. This weekend the sun shone on my face.  This weekend I was able to laugh again and it feels bloody awesome.

***Photo by bgorsphotography


  1. June 21, 2012 at 10:12 am

    N I Am totally awfully glad to read this 🙂

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